Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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