While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
