We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
