oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
