Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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