Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
