It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
