She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
