Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
