dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
