remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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