You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
