He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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