maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
