He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Randomize
