I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
