im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
