You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
