I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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