The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
