That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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