If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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