i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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