I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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