I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he thought i was a dude.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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