if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
