im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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