I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
