community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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