She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
