I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
