my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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