I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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