My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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