two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
