I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize