I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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