I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
