My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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