I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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