we have officially lost it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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