Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize