She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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