She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
