You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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