my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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