I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
