I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
