just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
