I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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