you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
