I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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