Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is Oprah even human
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
