If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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