Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
