Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
