last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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