She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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