The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You made out with two different species that night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
