I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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