Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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