Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
