i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
