Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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