Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My cat gives me a boner
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it's like heaven, but drunker
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
