i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
