I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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