I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
