Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
