Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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