just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
