what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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