so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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