also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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