Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just googled if crying burns calories
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
