they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
