Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize